Been on a high for too long and so with all cycles, a boom must definitely come with a burst. Dark clouds loom high and thick for the day.
Speaking of cycles, my life has fallen into a routine. Not that I'm hating it because I got a great rest at HK but it makes me feel somewhat out of breathe at times. Meetings after meetings just aren't what I am prepared for at this juncture, especially not with my illness and chronic lack of sleep,
Been waking up each morning with much trepidation, doing sound check to discern whether I have lost my voice. So far so good and yet, there's this part of me that hopes for my voice to be gone, so I have the convenient excuse to use all sorts of body/sign language haha.
Am feeling the-living-each-moment-and-knowing-it-will-be-history-the-next-moment kind of gloom. I know it's in the realm of foolishness to think about life this way, but I just can't help it when I take a long term view of things. It sucks when you have expiry dates tagged to so many of your things, when you start to ask yourself whether all of these are worth the hassle and effort. And yet, I am glad that some are just going to end, so I won't need to put in that much effort and commitment, for most will just come to nought, even though I gain experience and whatever. I choose to believe that I have seen through this much, and yet, I continue to willingly sink into the quicksand.
I am such an conflicting individual.
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