21

Well well, my mum just reminded me that it's my 21st birthday in a month's time and there was this sudden realisation that I'm approaching adulthood, willy-nilly of my wishes and by virtue of being an adult, being binded with a set of expectations by society.

I'm not planning to change anything that I'm doing now because I have yet to fully enjoy my teenage hood haha and that there is still some time before I need to start cracking to work for living. Still, I can't help but come to terms with the fact that every single action now will ultimately affect my future employment outcome so I got to really not screw up. I'm once again, stuck in a limbo. Oh gosh

So anyway, my mum has been nagging at me to come up with the number for the guests for my 21st. I have been procrastinating it for months ( she started saying since November last year) not because I don't have any to invite but I'm not particularly enthusiastic about it. I'm just not the person who enjoys socialising with big groups of people as I prefer a more intimate setting with a small group of people. Moreover, with different groups of friends and relatives coming together, certain dynamics need to be sorted out and I can't help but feel that although one should "take care" of his relatives more than his friends, I am actually closer to my friends than the relatives I have known since young. Such a mismatch of expectation and reality is bound to create some rift and I really hope that everyone will just be able to settle in nicely, miraculously. Am really unsure of what to do, how much to do and what to expect.

It's 12.10 now which means I have less than a month now....